Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
