I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
