**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
