Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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