Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
