for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
