he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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