planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
