So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
