i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
