His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
