Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
