There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
