I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
