I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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