Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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