I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
