Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
