Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
