She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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