she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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