I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
