I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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