I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
