Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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