I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
