Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
