New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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