Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
