I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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