omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
