I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
