we made out on top of his cat.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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