And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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