i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
