but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
