I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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