ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
