True but thats because hes a fetus.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
