Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
