my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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