it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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