My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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