Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
