I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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