well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
