Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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