Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
