Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
