the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
