you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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