what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
