just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
