You smell like stripper and shame
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dicks are not precious.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
