I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Blood and glitter go together right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sext me about skeletons
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
