suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
