Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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