I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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