apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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