my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize