i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
