I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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