An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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