I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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