One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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