Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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